A collection of our staff’s favorite tips and tricks for the culinary driver.

After breaking into the recently opened Car Café, the journalists at MSIMA threatened the kitchen staff with listing facts about diesel electric trains for several hours unless their secrets are told. Some of our personal favorite methods have been thrown in the mix as well. Enjoy and bone hapt the teeth!

Nii-San Tsuru

• Exhaust fumes can be a substitute for hickory smoke, perfect for an on-the-go barbecue!
• Melted 2000s GM dashboard plastics are a perfect soft treat for your family and their on-the-go lifestyle! They have a distinct flavor with hints of burnt chemicals and white chocolate, but are not as luxurious as melted Lexus LS460 dashboards.
• Seat cloth, especially from Nissan products, can often be removed and used as a strainer for vegetables and pasta. It is even better with the driver’s side because all the ass-sweat salts the pasta for you.

The Local NonCredible™ Mechanophile

• Used brake rotors make excellent dinner plates, and brake drums are for bowls, obviously.
• Timing belts taste the best, and little shreds of belt are a nice garnish, but don’t forget that seat leather is actually beef jerky.
• Green coolant tastes like green apple, red is cherry flavor.

This content was fact-checked and verified by a registered Coolant Schlonker

• The elites don’t want you to know this, but used motor oil can be used again when cooking, and it gets more delicious the longer it is aged.
• You can eat the metal flakes in your oil pan to boost the iron in your diet. None available? Bypass your oil filter to stock up.
• We simply can’t forget about the tastiest treat of all: the random crumbs that drop between the seat and center console. Never waste these.

Dan Verona

• A note on Tsuru’s point, GM dashboard plastics are lower in fat than Dodge plastics. They tend to absorb it from their owners.
• Don’t throw away your old fuel filters! They are full of usable seasoning.
• Keep your original oil filter as long as possible. This allows more flavor to build up in the liquid. “Service intervals” are a lie fabricated by Big Filter™ to boost profits.
• Your valve cover is atop the engine for easy removal and use as a baking pan. DOHC engines have the capability to bake two treats at once.
• Don’t forget, you can hang meats in your radiator as pressure cooker.

Comrade Zdzislaw

• You can use the 2-cylinder engine of a Fiat 126P as a sort of makeshift grill for a barbecue on a hot summer’s day.
• Don’t forget to add honey to the OHV engine of your Polonez, it needs it.
• You can run your Maluch on kerosene, vodka or lighter fluid, and yes it’s actually possible as a “scientist” in South Australia found out.
• You can use your car to drive across town and buy an Orlen hot dog.

Monty

• Vegan leather does not taste the same. You’re better off eating that recycled cardboard material in the i3.
• The wax used on composites molds can be a substitute for slices of aged cheese
• Rerouting the coolant circuit can act as a wonderful purée machine
• The concoction of fluid fluids that leak out of a stationary BMW comprise the essential oils to make the elixir of life.
• Consider using the flywheel as a way to shave beef