On multiple occasions, I’ve been gifted from the rental gods a car that I absolutely loathe. This stupid piece of then Fiat-Chrysler “engineering” used to make me irrationally angry, more so than it does currently. So today, I’m gonna pull what I can remember from what I think was one of the worst cars I’ve ever driven. Multiple… fucking… times…

Justin, PimpMasta, and myself both keep a list of cars that’s we’ve driven. Pimp’s is the largest, mine might be the most diverse, and Justin’s tends to be full of odd and interesting cars from over the years. On my list, the compass Trailhawk was listed 3 times before I gave up on writing down the other two I’ve driven.

The Trailhawk badge is supposed to denote off roading prowess… probably, I don’t care really about Jeep lore. Anyways, this pill-snapped plastic clad affront to whatever the name Jeep stills means is about as off road friendly as every other generic, inline four powered crossover with some plastic cladding meant to give Marlene and Kevin some confidence when parking at Publix.

The interior is squishy. I remember a squishy fake leather, think the kinda crap Mercedes puts on a base A class so your average consumer feels like they’ve bought something upscale, and GM levels of hard plastic. I recall the touch screen was also not great, but that’s not a surprise with the testament to the mundane trying to be something it’s not.

The steering gives you no feedback. You’re better off using your imagination, at least up there only you can disappoint yourself. Engine? It’s a 2.4L in-line 4, makes 180 anemic horsepower, and sounds like the car has asthma when you step on it. All 180 horses must’ve been released from a gulag, because they struggle to move the car along at any reasonable rate. Then again, of course they do, as the Compass Trailhawk has a curb weight of just over 3600 lbs. For reference, it’s about the same size as a VA WRX. A c4 cactus is a full 1000 lbs lighter, while packing infinitely more character, and the equally depressing Ford ecosport manages to cut a good 300lbs from its curb weight. A Ford Escape can range from 3300 to 3600lbs, but can be offered with up to 250 hp. All these have similar dimensions

The transmission, from what I can recall, is like watching a student with a poor math background struggle through an engineering course. It has 9 speeds, and couldn’t for the life of it decide which to use. For a car called the compass, the transmission often feels like it has no direction. Don’t even bother with manual mode, you’ll just get tired of waiting. Took a Trailhawk through the mountains in Pennsylvania once. I also took laxatives once.

The exterior isn’t the worst thing on the planet to be honest, but seeing one still reminds me of the sup-par driving experience. The red metal hooks are a nice touch, the plastic cladding kinda works with the baby Jeep Cherokee look. The exterior is inoffensive.

On some random mountain roads, leaving the car in “a gear”, it was fairly composed. I mean, it pushed, right, but it wasn’t the total mess I thought it would be.

Maybe the car would be more enjoyable had I the opportunity to take it on some basic dirt trail. Or had the car been a manual, I would look at the little jeeplet with kinder eyes. But in the circumstances I found myself in which required me to drive one…. Yeah it sucks.