WTF!? NOT A CAR NOT A CAR NOT A CAR!

I hear your cries, your desperate pleas to understand just what this abomination upon the mechanical I have before you today.

Well, dear consumer of content, we have a real Daytona Beach special before you now.

Anyways, what is… it?

Glad you asked, disembodied voice of the viewer!

This is a bike, with a two stroke strapped to it. It’s as basic as motorized transportation can get, outside of like, a 2×4 with an engine. It has a throttle, pedal brakes, and a clutch to get it moving, and is probably more practical that whatever scooter you were looking at.

Ok yes but why?

No one really knows. Dragged up from the depths of Facebook marketplace by a college student, not even after years of psychoanalysis have we been able to determine why it was built, sold, or bought.

Some say it was a meth fueled night during Biketoberfest, maybe a DUI was involved. Others still quote the current owner as saying “I just needed something to get me from the dorm to the Formula Lab”, and yet when questioned, he scurried off the bush and hid from the general public.

Suffice to say, we do not know.

And who or what is a “Bid”?

Fluent in serval languages, some of which are actually real, he has scoured the world for on-campus transportation.

The caretaker of this testament to man’s conquest over the mortal realm. Nicknamed “Bid”, presumably due to gambling his life every time he does anything. A man of mystery, intrigue, and really stupid decisions. He exhales carbon dust and breaths in potential flow.

He doesn’t fear death, for not even the inevitable dares to catch up to him yet.

Ok then.

Do not approach without proper protection.

So what’s it like to… uh.. ride?

The whip is incomprehensible. It rides and it doesn’t. You trust it. You don’t. You aren’t truly in control. You’re in the Bid world now.

Shut the fuck up and just describe it.

Fine.

Clutch in, pedal way, power on, release clutch and jump start the two stroke. And then, for the uninitiated, the bike is in control now.

With a surge of torque and noise, the first sensation is really odd. Your mind realizes you’re riding a bike, but it’s accelerating and you aren’t pedaling. A few laps around the parking lot cure this, however now you’re expecting motorbike/scooter rules for riding. But the brake handle is the clutch, and the brakes come from back pedaling and slowing the rear wheel.

Seems sketchy

It is, but is isn’t.

Stop

No no, listen. It’s a bit counter intuitive at first but you adjust quickly. Soon enough, you’re putting around in the [insert your choice of 3rd world city, like Manchester, here] special, zipping around like a nut job. The abomination is oddly well built, it doesn’t feel like you’re gonna shake it to death.

But at the same time, it’s a two-stroke bicycle. You feel oddly exposed riding at speed, much less cornering. It moved fast enough that you feel like you need either more protection or more bike/tire. And you’re always aware that there’s an engine between your legs.

Oh and good luck when a car approaches you, it’ll just stall.

Again sounds sketchy.

Well no shit. Again, two stroke bicycle. I’d still buy one for $50. Anything else?

Can it qualify for the Rolex 24 hour race as a Dpi?

With a Time Machine and fenders, probably.