YES I KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE A KIA FROM THE FRONT! WE WILL GET TO THAT!

Well this was an unfortunate disappointment.

Do y’all remember this things predecessor? No, not the 1M for the majority American audience we have. Nor the pre-facelift m135i for the rest of y’all, but you probably already know where I’m going with this.

Behold, the BMW M140i, a car I’ve yet to get my grubs on:

Now, ain’t that more like it? A 3.0L turbo inline six, powering the rear wheels, in a small little hatchback. Looks good don’t it. And did I not mention it’s RWD? Should a riot to drive, with all that engine and a short wheelbase. But this isn’t the car we have.

Nor is it the car I tried to rent multiple times and yet the A110 continues to elude my grasp:

WOULDN’T THAT HAVE BEEN NICE? 2025’S MOST CHUCKABLE CAR OF THE YEAR.

BUT NOOOOOOOPE. NO ONE IS RENTING THESE ANYMORE IN 2025. SO INSTEAD, WE GET THIS STUPID THING: the 2025 BMW F70 M135 xDrive. And that’s the last time I use its full legal name.

Are we there yet? Have we made it to ///M town? Am I in the ultimate driving machine?

No. For one, I’m not driving a GMA T50. And two, the road going M-cars come out of Garching not Munich (or whatever misc southern Bavarian town I’ll have ended up in while driving).

I would love to know how this car was made, but sadly my reach doesn’t extend far when it comes to road cars. I could probably imagine it.

That looks quite good! Hell, the front end actually looks like a BMW! Then everyone from aerodynamics and accounting to manufacturing and software gets to have their fingers on it.

And after a few years of mucking about in wind tunnels and test tracks, the completed M135 comes rolling onto the scales at Aschhiem, we get this thing. Munich’s attempted swing at the VW Golf R. And I guess like, the A35 AMG, an Audi S3. And maybe a Type R with that price. But the whole package just feels half baked. An unfinished attempt at making a BMW hot hatch with all that rowdy BMW M behavior watered down as to not offend the youth and elderly.

You’ve got the bones of a shared platform economy car stuffed with mechanical bits from other BMW Group family members. Some braking bits from the M3, a 7 speed dual clutch from Mini, and the B40 2.0L turbo incline 4 from like, everything they make up to and including an “X28i” badge. It’s a bit of a hodgepodge of bits mixed into this one series.

The regular 118i driven back in 2023 was a fine car. Sure a FWD turbo inline 3 isn’t really what comes to mind when you think BMW, but it’s honestly a decent little car. It cornered fine, the ride was comfy, the UI wasn’t obtuse, and it had enough tech to remind you that we ballin in da bimmer still. It did look like an egg tho, and unless you really want that manual, I would probably recommend the Mini Cooper that shares much of that car.

While the m135 shares its bones with that fwd city car, the end product is a decent rung up the automotive ladder. Especially the interior, that has received a decent upgrade over the standard car. The infotainment system is technically two screens but looks like one unit, similar to the current model year M2. The seats hug enough of your side fat to keep you in place mid corner. They’re also fairly well upholstered, which is expected. The cabin is adorned with little aluminum trim, leather, and alcantara bits, sometimes in kinda odd ways. There is ambient lighting that shines from the corners of the dash, embedded as little dots above the metal air vent covers. They change color depending on the model selected, mostly going between blue and BMW M BITCHES.

Sitting inside, this car feels modern. The graphics are crisp, the shapes are angular, and LEDs glow from all its corners like some high-brow gaming rig. They did a good job in making the little 1er feel upmarket.

With 2025 niceties also comes 2025 annoyances. And there are quite a few in here.

First of all, climate controls are in the screen. And like the Civic Type R we played with before, this infotainment system is full of “apps” that’s do “many things”. Like distract you when you want to set sport mode. In fact, this entire car is loaded with random ass distractions. The app-filled (and I do mean FILLED) infotainment screen is also joined by the heads up display (HUD). And the “augmented reality” camera that keeps popping up when you use the car’s map.

So you’re probably wondering what the hell I mean by that. Well, whenever you’re driving and using GPS, the car will let you know when to keep right or left, usually so you know NOT to get off at an exit. That isn’t the annoying bit. In order to tell you this, the car shows what front facing camera right in the middle of your damn map, which covers the path you’re taking, and then projects arrows onto the video. Which is always appreciated whenever there is a turn right after an offramp. And it doesn’t go away.

I know people who worked with AR stuff back when I did my time in Munich. I know what you did. You know what you did…

The gauges are also on the list of distractions. Instead of what most cars do, the M135 has these angular ‘C shaped’ bars with numbers that act as your tach and speedo. And it looks really cool! Right until you’re actually driving on the autobahn in Sport+ and are having a hard time gauging when to upshift and need to use the numberless bar of a tach on the HUD.

It’s one of the many features and design decisions that probably looked really sick on paper or in CAD or rendered on a large screen. Only for its execution and implementation to not really work 100%. Like, the graphics look cool, I get what you’re going for, but damn is it a pain in the ass to read oftentimes. And at least from my searching, there isn’t another option for gauges. Instead you can adjust the color pallet and what crap is displayed in there. Or fake “lightweighting” on the steering wheel spokes that’s just plastic trim:

Driving modes are also a pain to reach. There isn’t a button to swap between comfort, sport, and Sport+ like in bimmers of yore. Oh, and the iDrive alien penis looking shifter is gone, instead replaced by a little metal toggle switch. How Ferrari of you, BMW… I kept instinctively going for a lever that just wasn’t there. At least the paddles are fine! They’re big things that follow the wheel (as it should), with bright colors and some weird textured rubber on the back face. I guess they’ve thought about all the people who will be tracking their M135 and thus will wearing racing gloves and need the grippy back face. They work well and feel fine when you flick them so no complaints.

Right then, enough about the interior, you probably figured it was a fine place to be. Let’s go drive this Bavarian egg shaped hot hatch.

In Town:

It’s fine. It’s a 1 series, what’d ya think? If you don’t mash the throttle everywhere, you could forget that this is supposed to be an M car. However it’s still quick enough to skirt around city traffic, and SIMMA SIMMA IN MA BIMMA enough that people won’t try to bully your ass while driving.

Next?

On the Autobahn:

The car is limited to 155 mph. We hit 166.

But that’s not all! With the suspension in “I’M A REAL M CAR! RESPECT ME DAMN YOU” mode, the rear of the car gets unsettled at triple digit speeds! Yep. I didn’t know those bumps existed in an ND Miata or Opel Karl. But in a new M135? You feel that rear and getting unhappy and better be prepared to move your hands.

Why is my M car getting jostled around on what should be nice, smooth, finely engineered German highway. An STI on lowering springs might’ve rode worse but the car itself never got unsettled. Neither was a Type R, FRS, Ecoboost Mustang, GT350, M2, M4, GT4, GT3, or Z28 on far worse tarmac. So wtf?

I don’t have an answer. You’re paying north of $50,000 for this thing, and I guess just have to fuss around with the dampers lest the car plays leapfrog over pavement imperfections.

On the plus side, when it isn’t being stupid, the car will hunker down and pull like a baby freight train. You’re also fairly isolated from the outside, so unlike that ND Miata you won’t go deaf from the wind.

On backroads:

And this is where the whole car should come together right? Bavarian country roads overlooking the alps, criss-crossing through hilly forests and farm houses. A lovely collection of sharp corners, narrow roads, and at times questionable surface quality.

Oh what I’d given to have been in that Alpine A110 instead…

It’s fine. It’s perfectly passable. Maybe even fun. But the M135 wasn’t that much fun. It handled the tight stuff fine.

It’s a modern AWD BMW “M” product. The steering is quick, responsive, but lacks 10/10 road feel. However you don’t need to leave it in comfort anymore like in the f80 M3. The chassis is stiff, there isn’t much roll, the damping is firm, and the corner exit grip is great.

What stood out to me on these roads was the front end. It speaks (enough) to you, and in turn you realize that you can really keep pushing it harder and harder without getting unmanageable understeer. Trust the brakes, transfer a bit of weight as you turn, then get on the gas and let the AWD car do AWD things. You can send it around a backroad like an idiot, and come back out mildly entertained and unscathed.

Its handling fun, but driving the left me wanting more. Maybe a less dull front? Eh, it talked well enough. It’s also sharp enough. But that Type R was more fun. Sharper through turns, the chassis was more talkative, the feeling of boost more sensational, and the sense of occasion you get on a backroad, even a more mediocre one, was greater. It didn’t just feel like “a Civic with 315 hp”. This feels just feels like that 116i with a nice interior, 300 hp, and a bit of suspension tuning.

Now, you might’ve noticed that I haven’t really spoken about the powertrain outside of giving you its serial number of a name. And that’s mainly because it is just kinda “an engine”.

It pulls all the way to its underwhelming redline at 6800(?) RPM. It’s not underwhelming because it’s too low. Ok it is a bit but also there is just no sense of occasion. It pull decently, it doesn’t really feel like it runs out of steam, however you also don’t notice a surge of boost or power, nor is the noise anything special. Or real for that matter. The exhaust note sounds dead and piped in, although it’s no where near as bad as in the Type R. It’s less “Gran Turismo 5 vacuum” and more like Project Cars 2. It’s just a shame that instead of hearing an i6, you get a turbo 4. You don’t hear that turbo though, just “noise”. The car will make little pops and noises when you shift.

Oh yeah. The dual clutch. The shift itself is fast, but for some god forsaken reason, there was an odd amount of lag between pulling the paddle and actually getting a gear change. Which is something I haven’t experienced in a DCT car before. Now, I’m not talking early 2000’s “pull the lever and wait while the computer writes an essay” type shit. But in every other car, I’m used to a DCT being essentially instant.

There is one little party trick though. If you hold down the left paddle, the car will flick down a gear or two and enter an overboost mode. Suddenly, that 2.0 L turbo wakes the fuck up for 10 seconds (and yes there is a timer of sorts as the dash lets you know we got da boost now) and the car surges forwards with noticeable urgency. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the autobahn overtaking or trying to power out of a tight corner, you will notice the extra power. Which is nice honestly, the gimmick works well and makes me giggle like an idiot.

I also think the car looks like a Kia. And I know that’s not an original take, but neither is the style of the M135. If it weren’t for the light up grille, you wouldn’t know what it was at night. Which is a shame, given what the concept for it looked like.

A long needed conclusion:

So uh, thems the facts I guess. If you want a nice, modern urban run-about that can also entertain and isn’t a VW, then yeah I guess. It’s not really what I think of when you say “the hot hatch experience” though. There just wasn’t enough of a wild side, and I think you could blame that on the powertrain. The old car was unique because who the hell makes a rear wheel drive “hot hatch” with a 3.0L turbo i6? Instead, you have the modern day cop out of a 2.0L turbo inline 4. But unlike other hot hatches and “lesser” cars, nothing sets that motor apart. It doesn’t rev like a Type R, it doesn’t sound like a Hyundai N product, and it doesn’t build stupid boost like a Focus or Fiesta ST. It’s a bit boring. It doesn’t want to fully commit to being a hot hatch with an M badge.

So go spend your €50,000 elsewhere. Buy a Cooper S or JCW. You’ll get a better UI and more character. Or buy a used Porsche Cayman or Alpine A110 if you don’t need the rear seats and that much trunk space and actually enjoy life for a bit.