Porsche recently announced a new product from its paint to sample (PTS) department. For the ultimate Porsche enthusiast, the new Porsche Food Dye is a must have. Now, not only will Porsche color match your 911 to whatever it is you want, but now finally, you can have a matching edible dye too. Which has a secondary effect of dying the feces and even the owner’s anal cavity.

“We wanted to add a further level of connectivity between the Porsche sports car and the Porsche owner”, said Prof. Dr. Wiegand. “What could be a more personal connection than matching your digestive tract to your 718 Boxster Spyder’s PTS color?”

Porsche seems to be marketing this product to their most hard-core owners. The option to purchase this exclusive, limited food dye is only available for the GT4, GT4 RS, CGT, 918, 944 turbo S, 963, 908-917, 935, GT4 club sport, GT3 Cup and R, Porsche Boxster Spyder, any owner of a Rothmans or Brumos car, 911 Dakar, 911 Turbo S Gold Edition, the one driver of that flying lizards 911, GT3, GT3 RS, GT2, and GT2 RS owners who have or are in the process of ordering a PTS colored car. Truly an exclusive club.

“We already had a 100% take up rate on other PTS-inspired products, such as the Porsche Design PTS bed sheets, PTS GT3 RS exclusive silverware, and the surprisingly popular GT3 RSR inspired PTS condoms”, Prof. Dr. Wiegand told us. “We expect this to be our most successful offering yet”.

When asked about any health risks, we are told that “Porsche AG intends to ensure compliance with all EU food date due regulations a year after the initial North American rollout of the Porsche Design PTS Edible Food Dye”. I’m sure that’s a good sign.

While this might all seem a little concerning, just remember. The next time your doctor questions your Porsche loyalty during a colonoscopy, you can leave the entire hospital utterly silenced!