We at MSIMA are children. But you, dear reader, are a fucking infant. Now, consume your media:

10. 1st gen Dodge Viper

This was easy. I mean look at it. The bulge, the rear arches… it’s a red rocket. But you knew that. So we thought we’d remind you before continuing further.

9. The Weiner Mobile

It’s been around for decades now and I understand it might be a copout, but I feel like I wouldn’t be doing dicks proper without including this monster of a weiner. It’s by far the most physically looking of this group of phallic cars and it has plenty of heart too.

8. BMW Z3

Sitting almost on the rear axle, snug betweens it’s balls rear arches, you commandeer a bulge of a hood with a car that possesses eel-like driving characteristics, proddings it’s heads through holes in traffic.

7. Sunbeam 1000 HP (AKA “The Slug”)

Pre-war land speed record cars are some of my favorite automotive death traps. Like these things are remarkable and utterly terrifying machines. However, in the race to make the most streamlined shape, they all look like they’re about to to go 200 mph up your ass.

6. Trevor’s Cerbera

To the untrained eye, it may be thought that Mr. T. V. R. Trevor attained a low resolution JPEG of the BMW Z3 shortly after its inception, and set his team to recreate it with a twist of British sexual confusion. Everything on the Cerbera protrudes and curves in strange, intriguing ways, as if they were denied any access to off the shelf parts. All this not even to mention its angrier, more bulbous sibling the DESTROYER OF WORLDS known as the Cerbera Speed 12.

5. Toro Rosso STR3

Reb Dull was very excited to unveil the RB10, and for good reason. It’s not only fast, but it can ram that nose so quickly up the anus of the F1 execs they wouldn’t even know what happened.

4. Jaguar E-Type

The E-Type is famously considered as one of the most beautiful cars ever built. Why? Because it resembles us dudes most treasured item. The perfect girth and length for a perfect car.

3. Plymouth Superbird

This one is pointy, yet still curved. Long, and still slender. The superbird is an icon, but it also is quite extended and large.

2. Dunham-Coach Corvoado

The automotive equivalent to a chode, it may be trying its best to be flashy and loud, but in the end it’s still short and sad. But really, what the actual fuck is this and can we stop looking at it please.

1. Nissan Deltawing

The most phallic car ever devised, some may think it was made purely to ram a dick in the ass of the competitors, as well as Panoz’s legal team.