From the bowels of an abandoned mineshaft in Tennessee, Simon presents:

The Skinwalker is a creature of disguise primarily residing in the Appalachian mountains according to the native Americans folklore (that is exclusively talked about by white, bearded, middle aged male youtubers). The Skinwalker has to try and pretend to be human as best it can, meaning it likely cant figure out what’s totally normal about a car but at least is capable of getting something that blends in, mostly. Not quite able to figure out the Camry, but go to any rural town in the Appalachian mountains and try to find one that does not have an HHR. Whether this be due to the presence of grandpas or Skinwalkers, I’ll let you be the judge of that.

So why is the HHR such a good car for Skinwalkers? Another key trait of being a Skinwalker is paying basic attention to human traits, such as caring about fuel economy and cheapness. How’s a Skinwalker going to get a job? They came out of the woods not a hospital. The base HHR is very cheap, 2500-3500 for perfectly good ones, very common, and very replaceable. The large cargo space, that of an SUV, and okay fuel economy help the Skinwalker to continue to roam the rural roads late at night to terrorize any logging company or property speculators that dare threaten the beautiful national forests scattered across this region of the nation. After all you need extensive cargo space when moving whatever it is that a Skinwalker would need to move around the state. The anonymous yet not normal HHR is perfect for becoming just another traffic item in the mountains at 3am. If you so happen to be a Skinwalker, this is the car i can recommend to you. As happened to the primary choice of skinwalker whip that came before this car, the chevy cavalier, I cant wait to see the next gen of GM shitcans, the HHR and the Cobalt, becoming staples of out local dirt tracks.