What the hell I thought these are supposed to be off roaders? So why then can accelerate like a Porsche? But it also has several terrain modes? And it’s actually nice and cushy in here? With adjustable ride height?

What is this thing?

WHAT ARE YOU!?

WHY JLR, WHY!?

Ok so how about a smidge of context?

With this thing, you get the feeling that JLR looked into continental Europe, saw a v10 Tourag and a twin turbo Cayenne and went “by Jove, we need one of those!” And then, with the loving grace of a hellcat swapped Jeep Wrangler, slapped a supercharger on their v8 and then went out for tea, leaving the manufacturing team to figure out how to put the test mule into production. And you’d think, by 2013, after upgrading to a 5.0L supercharger v8 from a 4.2 in 2009 – wait how the hell did they afford to do that during peak recession hours? Anyways, a new engine in 2009, a face lift in 2012, which is odd because this generation ended in 2013, and it still drives like it’s unfinished!

Think about that, 9 years with this platform. Two generations of V8. And after all that time, when you step on the gas to unleash its supercharged fury, the poor L405 Range Rover platform has a mental breakdown, like it’s afraid of its own power under acceleration. This Range Rover reacts like a businessman would when injected with Lance Armstrong levels of steroids. It’s skeleton is designed for half the power being forced anally up it’s tailpipe, under anything over 50% throttle the whole car starts careening across the road, with the steering wheel entirely giving up control and letting the globs of power take command.

Why did they do this?

NO WHY DID YOU DO THIS JLR?!

JLR I WANT TO LIKE YOU DAMN IT!!!

The rest of this car is fairly straight forward. It’s a nice place to be in, quite comfy, loaded with technology, makes you feel like you can go anywhere. Typical Land Rover shenanigans during day to day operation. It can be well mannered, always knowing what fork to use during supper after a hard days work in “mud and ruts” terrain mode out in the English countryside. Genuinely, outside of the back of the mind feeling of “it’s a Land Rover, when will you catastrophically fail on me” (which seems like a common trend for the last few cars we’ve reviewed), this SUV is a lovely place to be in. It drives like a large SUV but somehow more expensive. It’s like a mix between a penthouse, the word “glamping”, and a desire to drive into the heart of the Amazon.

And then, you get it onto a highway on ramp.

And you mash the gas.

In the block of flats, this affront of efficient speed, a “fuck you” to aerodynamics, the moment you commit to throttle, you feel it. You’re getting punched in the back, butterflies in your tummy. And your senses just aren’t ready for it. A Range Rover is a luxury SUV, but even the standard ones have 0-60 times in the 6-7 second range. This mechanical oddity gets you there in 4.6. A similar year Porsche Cayman S does it in that time. It’s .5 off from a 991 Carrera. Your mind just isn’t calibrated to expect that speed from this vehicle.

A 4.6 second 0-60 run might not be the fastest thing in 2024, but it’s just how this thing feels under acceleration that’s wild. It squats, it rolls, it moves around. The torque slams you back and then suddenly you’re feeling Newton’s laws come into play. It’s a heavy vehicle, and you feel all 510 finely engineered British horses get up and fight the vehicle’s inertia. And it is just as surprised as you are that is can in-fact move that quickly.

What is luxury? We’ve reviewed quite a few “luxury” cars on MSIMA so far. Speed? Comfort? Isolation? Presence?

How about the back of the mind reassurance that if need be, this hulking slab of British metal can probably traverse Death Valley while still being able to hit all those aforementioned points. You sit in a cushy seat, heated or cooled, with a large expanse of glass surrounding you as you command the brick forward. You’re presented with the world on all sides but not bothered with such things as “noise” or “poor visibility”. It’s size commands those in front of you to become those around you. You can set this vehicle up for 7 types of terrains, each mode adjusting diff settings, throttle mapping, ride hight, traction control, etc etc, just to ensure this vehicle will be able to get you anywhere you damn want.

You can actually move the suspension up and down but playing with a button. I’m afraid if it do this enough times in succession it will fail. But when it’s working, it’s endlessly entertaining.

This SUV is a lot of things, ain’t it. On one hand, it’s a luxury brick that’s always ready to both massage you and get its hands dirty in the mud. And it’s also uncomfortably fast. But, it feels like the speed was an afterthought, it can’t cope with its newfound power, and this thing will (has) catastrophically fail at some point and bankrupt a small nation. It almost punishes you for trying to put it through the indignity of fast driving by grenading a drivetrain not expecting 500 horsepower.

Should you buy one? Probably not to be honest, but if you’re coming here for that advice you probably have your mind made up. Maybe a British market diesel is more reliable and due to their lack of supercharged power far more stable on pavement. Should you lease one? Probably, just hope the Land Rover dealer doesn’t run out of working loners.

This is the second Land Rover we at MSIMA have had and the first one to actually be working correct. And with these cars, the experience is very much like sitting in a comfy chair with a large TV wrapping around your vision playing stock footage of nature. We drove an LR4 before, even took it into the Everglades on road tires and it came out the other end with an indifference to its condition. This one offers you that same “go anywhere and watch the world pass by” feeling. It’s like a scenic train ride that you control. But the 3 year newer Ranger Rover was a nicer place to be in, and it didn’t smell like crayons unlike that LR4. Half speed, music on medium, a good few hours away from civilization, that’s where these things tend to shine the best.