How did we wind up at the Harvard of the skies? Dunno. But given the cost of this place, I think there’s gotta be some interesting slabs lying around for yo boys to take a goosely gander at, swearing under our plebeian breaths and empty wallets.

I hope you, dear reader, are ready to have your ass mis-shifted. And prepare for two dudes to be pricks for a bit.

A formula SAE “car”

Oh ER05, too pure for this world.

DeTomaso Pantera

This thing is actually sweet, the bodykit is probably sacrilege in some corners of the DeTomaso owners boards. Personally, I kinda dig it, a little overdone but fuck it, it’s a car from the 70s (that’s not brown!).

Corvette C8

Wow! A real C8.R Edition C8 Corvette! Weird, I didn’t know Chevy entered F1. And he’s sponsored by Gran Turismo too, good for him.

BMW M5 Competition

Baller, next?

The Çøńträptįøñ

We know not where he is, nor where he went. A creature of mystery, and probably misery knowing this school. The dick-nugget on two wheels, ready to $TEAL YOU from the CEA$ELE$$ trudge through the swamp of lyfe. Ride loud into that good night, steel cowboy, we salute you.

W126 Mercedes

For when the stresses of your degree have gone too far and it’s time for you to retire from living. I get it, the STEM major grind. Sit upon your thrown, three pointed start guiding you onto route 92, and sail that couch-boat back home to port. I’ve driven way to many of these stupid cars. NEXT?

Porsche 911 993 Carrera RS

I have nothing bad to say here. I’m a Porsche nut at heart. And the owner was lovely to talk to.

BMW E36 M3

Clean. No, too soft of a word. Pristine. This e36 M3 is genuinely almost immaculate. Shame about the slush box though.

Aston Martin v8 Vantage

I still think this is one of the prettiest cars to have come out of the 2010’s. Simple, clean, good sounding. Then, I got closer to this one and noticed the egregious amount of peeling fake carbon fiber and the automatic, and soon remembered that the last generation of Vanquish looks far, far better. Still sick from afar tho.

BMW f82 M4

The plate says it all.

Pricks that kept me awake during sophomore year

If only I had images of the straight piped truck that used to blast a train horn and do pulls in the parking lot at 12am. But I don’t. So instead, you get to see these morons. And fuck you, I don’t care how your loud your 430i is when it’s parked. And a really don’t care how fast your Hyundai can accelerate in a parking lot. The worst was a like, 2017 mustang GT with most god awful exhaust on the planet. And the owner liked to brag about just how much he spent on it, which, if you’ve ever heard a shit sounding Mustang GT, is just embarrassing.

Ducati 899 Penagale

Motorcycles, like a car but less useful and more fast. A lot more fast. Especially this one, with ~150hp it’s properly within the sphere of superbike. Perfect for a college kid to get ahold of.

SN95 Mustang

Oh yes, this is the perfect place to bring your vintage, beautifully restored piece of Americana. A dirty next to a base Fiesta with a failing automatic trans, perfect to bump into those perfectly chrome bumpers!

Expensive Taste

Ah yes, this is the reason we’re here. This, my friends, is expensive taste. Proudly sporting a “Don’t ask me for shit” sticker on the rear glass, extra chrome everywhere you can see and a collection of steelers stickers bought off Amazon, this monstrosity of an H3 can’t be beat, no matter what college campus he rolls up to.