There I was, wallowing in a puddle of doubt and depression. Yet another late day at the lab staring at screens. The joys of life, draining out of my eyes as the late noon sun baked its rays deeper into my unaccustomed skin.

I approached my car, and I saw it. It lurked in my door handle.

A note? A ticket? Did I piss someone off?

Nay.

I had been… Moo’ed.

Unbridled ecstasy rushes through my veins, a shot of dopamine and norepinephrine straight into my brain. The clouds part, bewinged infants bearing harps descend from the heavens. For a femtosecond, the Middle East truly had a cease fire, the manatee vs dugong feud came to a rest, and I found inner peace.

Then some dipshit on North Tryon Street honked their horn and I was back on earth, no longer exploring the l cosmos with my bovine breather. But I was mildly happier afterwards.

To whoever you are, random UNCC campus moo’er, thank you, he is precious and lives in a holder. This made me unreasonably happy.