I uh… didn’t know this was going on until I was walking down a hallway in my hotel and saw shit all set up. So I looked in until some Toyota representative ushered my ass in. So, ladies, gentlemen, and the one Norwegian Viewer we have, it’s time for me to do my journalistic duty.

Ok so it seems whatever was going on either hasn’t happened yet or, more likely happened sometime between last night and and this morning when a bunch of SUV’s carrying film equipment showed up and turned the lobby into a hug of commotion. Said Toyota man was eager to talk! And unfortunately, I can’t speak of a word of Norwegian! So uh…

The uh…

I see.

Uh huh. Yep. Charts.

I hope shareholder value has increased exponentially. The synergy this quarter was suboptimal, and we need to raise the bar the next time we touch base. I expect 110% from all of our valued team members.

The new facelift adds general improvements around the car. A few structural changes, improvements to the battery tech, etc. It’s gained a bit more range, power, and efficiency in its power train. How much?

Well ehhhh…

Well if you refer to this PowerPoint slide…

The bodywork has been tweaked. Especially that front fascia. The interior has also been overhauled, as the Toyota representative pointed out. The steering wheel and ipad all new cars have stuck inside are both new.

The displays are fairly nice and seem legible, although when it comes it deciphering Norwegian, I am functionally illiterate. But it seemed clear and not overly obtuse. It was also pointed out with much pride, that the new car has two wireless phone charging pads under the screen. What exciting times we are in!

There are also paddles behind the wheel. No, this EV doesn’t have a ZF 8 speed or something. It’s used to control the brake regen. I guess Toyota had a few left over parts from the Supra going outta production.

The seats were fairly comfy, the rear acceptably roomy, and it’s probably a perfectly passable example of daily electric transportation in EV form. The generic hotel towels, I am told, are not included.

The uh… wheels are new. So that’s cool.

But wait, you ask, begging desperately at our feet like a deprived peasant counting favor with nobility, what the about all this Executive Bi-Tone bullshit?

And to that I say, curb thy tongue! This is the top of the line trim for the bZ4X! And it’s executively bisexu– And it’s quite the looker ain’t it!

So, if we look at the information packet it uh…

It uh… has uh…

Apparently this car weighs in at 1500 kg! Which isn’t nearly as heavy as I thought it would be. Anyways, back to the Executive Bi-Tone specific options.

So uh it uh…

Ok so the bi-tone is an addition to the Executive. And has 20” alloys (baller). And a glass roof. Ok, good, I’m 2/3 right now. And uh… “Bi-Tone sort tak”. Right then.

(After some slight digging, it just means two town paint.)

The executive pack however, well now that’s the good stuff. The quality load. The big kahoonah. You should just give Toyota all your money. Like, did you see how many things are on this list that I can’t be arsed to translate anymore?

Do it. You fools.

Thems the facts, you Neanderthals. We at MSIMA can’t wait to maybe one day be worthy enough to be allowed to drive one of these things (or like, a GR Yaris 👉👈).