A piece by Comrade Zdzislaw

Most people know about the Polonez. It’s a terrible car, but it also went rallying. Yeah, no kidding, this car ran in Group 4 in rallies across the Eastern Bloc against other shiteboxes of it’s kind, like Wartburgs, Ladas, Dacias and Skodas.

But what if I told you that there was a far more ludicrous rally version of the Polonez?

Enter the Stratopolonez, the most crazy version of the Polonez ever made. And before I get into details, a little history lesson.

In 1977, the Polish prime minister Piotr Jaroszewicz’s son Andrzej had been representing Poland in rallying with a Lancia Stratos he somehow acquired (probably through his dad), until an unfortunate incident on a Rally Poland stage where he binned his Stratos. Oops.

The body was completely knackered, but the engine, chassis and other bits were fine. So, unwilling to throw some good parts into the skip, the boffins at OBRSO (FSO’s R&D division) got to work and threw it into a Polonez body. Along with cooling from a STAR truck for good measure, they tacked on some naff-looking flared arches at the rear to accomodate the extra track width and fatter rear tyres that was necessary for extra grip.

What came out of it was nothing short of a monstrosity. The FSO Polonez 2500 Racing, or known more commonly as The Stratopolonez.

So how did it handle? Predictably, absolutely horrible. The instability from the Stratos’ mid-mounted V6 was carried over to this car, which was likely made worse thanks to a taller and weaker body. Although improvements like body stiffening were made this didn’t eliminate the problem entirely.

Due to these glaring issues the car spun 3 times during it’s debut race in 1978, a race in which it still won thanks to the V6 engine which, surprisingly, was tweaked to output an extra 25hp. Jeez, as if it couldn’t get any more undriveable, the driver must’ve had balls of steel to wrestle with OBRSO’s monster and somehow not end up in a violent wreck.

Keep in mind this car was not tested beforehand.

Well into the early 80s the car was constantly being improved (even with the shit going on in Poland at the time), until it was eventually retired from rallying in 1985, during the time when Group B was at it’s peak. The car was eventually restored and now sits in the Museum of Technology in Warsaw, whether as a cautionary tale or as inspiration to the next lunatic, we will never know.

So that is the Stratopolonez, an unholy fusion dance of Stratos mechanics and Polonez body which should’ve been a recipe for disaster, and a reminder that even communist countries have done some crazy shit.