Hot off the newsroom, your only source of reliable automotive content returns with news from the upcoming Las Vegas Gran Prix (or LVGP for those in the know)! And boy do we have some exclusive luxury content to grace your plebeian eyes today.

Ah Las Vegas, city that somehow manages to blend stupid luxury with mid-western tourists gambling their savings away then the vomiting on an Elvis look alike before passing out from the 120°f (49°c) heat and waking up with a new wife and one less kidney. It’s no stranger to catering to the ultra exclusive world of the upper crust of modern society. Which is no surprise then, why Formula 1, the pinnacle of the automobile, has decided to hold a gran prix through the streets of Vegas. The collaborative efforts of many different venues and Casinos along the strip have led to several locations offering ultra-exclusive, 7 figure tickets. The Wynn, for example, has a million dollar “F1 Experience” ticket, which includes exclusive paddock access, a round of golf, welcoming caviar, and much more.

Not to be out done, Caesar’s Palace Entertainment is offering an even exclusive, more expensive “Caesar’s Legion Exclusive Formula One Experience”.

The Legion package, for the lowly price of $2.6 million, is set to be the (insert your own special word for “experience”).

Starting off, you and 6 guests be personally flown into Vegas in a rented Learjet, and treated to an all inclusive chauffeur service for the duration of your stay.

You will get the largest room available (a three floor penthouse with an indoor jacuzzi) for the week of the race.

Sticking with the theme of “Caesar’s Legion”, the Strip’s finest will be dressed up as concubines to accompany you for your stay, as well as a period correct servant boy for you and your guests to use as you wish.

You will be treated to real gladiatorial combat using inmates from the Las Vegas Detention Center. This also includes animal fights and a live crucifixion.

Continuing the theme, you and your legion will be immortalized with a marble sculpture capturing you and your glory.

And aside from the normal serving of events (such as shows, golfing, spas, movie previews, wine tasting, and Michelin star dinners), Legion Package buyers can expect to have personal meetings with the Mafia as honored guests and family members for a fun night of networking.

With such an exorbitant entree cost, you can also expect the most exclusive Motorsports experience. Going for the Legion package not only grants you a private paddock tour, hot laps, entree into pre and post race parties, it also grants you exclusive access with drivers of your choice! Guests will be left alone in a dimly lit room while a driver of their choice gives you a “lesson in car control”. You will also be accompanied by an announcer to remind you who everyone you meet is.

Finally, if you truly want the most authentic, visceral, and “F1-est” experience, for an addition one million dollars, Caesar’s Palace will hire the mob to break Logan Sargeant’s knee caps and put YOU in the driver’s seat of the #12 Williams for a shot at F1 stardom!

We at MSIMA cannot wait to bother our rich friends to be guests for “the Legion Package”. May Jupiter have mercy on all those involved.

(And if you think I should’ve made a New Vegas joke, you’re welcome to write to me at msima.contact@gmail.com)