What are we doing here? We shouldn’t be in here. Us two college dipshits shouldn’t be anywhere near a car with “the big B” on its nose, and truth be told even if we had the means to afford one, we’d be too “low brow” and “new money” for this.

And yet here we are, in the Bentley.

Hello MSIMA Reader, and welcome to a journey of Monty and Pierce learning the difference between being rich and being wealthy.

Us two idiots have managed to get ourselves into some very pricy metal over the years. But in our minds, a sports car is an understandable object. Have an interior that’s nice to the touch (usually) and styled to scream “RACE ME”, meanwhile all the substance you’re after lies within how well it’s been engineered to perform (usually how well it turns in and goes), how it sounds, how it looks, and how big of a smile you can fit on your face before it hurts. Think a BMW M car.

We’ve also gotten to know some nice modern and classic luxury cars as well. 2015 S-class, 2020 7-series, 2023 7-series, a Lexus here and there, as well as some older 80’s Mercedes and BMW metal.

This Bentley sits within a realm of its own. We’re not meant to fully understand it until we grasp why someone will ever need multiple types of forks for dinner.

A Mercedes S-class might be the benchmark for build quality and luxury, but this 2001 Arnage makes both the new and old ones we’ve driven feel cheap, mass produced, almost heavy handed in their attempts to impress you.

Yes, 10 options of massage and almost lounge like reclinability are nice, but how does that really make you feel? Like deep down, sitting in this space, how will you feel?

Relaxed? Sure. But do you feel special? Do you feel like you’re someone of quiet consequence? Someone who’s clothing costs more than my house but doesn’t need a brand logo plastered across your chest to let someone know you’ve made it.

This Bentley makes you feel better then a million bucks. Sitting in this car, you’re the heir to a fortune that goes back to before the invention of the car. Nothing here is trying to grab your attention, just comfort you. No matter what seat you choose: your head is cushioned, body supported by couch like seats, everything is weighty to the touch.

Sitting in this Arnage makes you think that Bentley designed the car to match their owner’s private jet. Hell, it’s even got the same gloss wood finish on its folding tray tables as this:

It’s the car you expect to see back in 2001 parked on the tarmac as a LeerJet pulls up. But then again, this car is too nice to let sit by a smelly jet engine.

And that’s where the problem starts to arise for us. The Arnage is built like your friend’s dad’s study. Not an office, no no, a study. Complete with a painting of some old fart golfing, mahogany trimming, and a few globes to really bring out that 1910’s aesthetic.

And like your friend’s dad’s study when you were a kid, there’s a strong feeling of “I’m not supposed to be in here” with the car. Like someone is going to find you and yell at you for even just looking at the door of the Bentley.

We live in a world where the technology in a modern luxury car is common place. Any teenager can give their room ambient lighting, touchscreens are everywhere, my phone talks to me, etc etc. So while a new 7-series is a very nice place to be in, nothing about that experience is wholly unfamiliar. Go to the mall with an ipad and noise canceling headphones and sit in a reclining massage chair for 30 minutes, it’ll have the same effect.

With the Arnage, you’re taken out of a familiar setting, almost uncomfortably yoinked out of the student life and into a nobleman’s estate during supper time.

The car carries presence. It’s not like a Mercedes or the new 7’er, it doesn’t yell as peasants to get out of your way. An Arnage doesn’t tell you to move, you move out of its way because it would be socially damming if you don’t. Someone who matters is back there, you’d better move.

And that person “who matters” goes beyond a head of state. This is no presidential limousine or Dictator’s Benz, they answer to Mr. Bentley. While a dictator shows up to work in an armored s-class, the 400 year old colonial family who enables them gets dropped off in an Arnage.

You get the feeling that this car is somehow the key to entering a secret society, only to realize that they don’t actually control world events, but instead have gentlemanly dick measuring contests about who’s private collection more closely resembles the British museum.

How does it drive? Oh right this is a car review.

The driver’s seat of the Arnage is only slightly less opulent than the rest of the car due to the repurposed BMW 7 series switchgear that litters the center console.

VW had just bought Bentley from BMW, and to make a dumb story short, they also thought they owned Rolls Royce as well. Somewhere in that convoluted mess, the Arnage lost its BMW powertrain in-favor of the L-series 6.75L pushrod v8. For context, that engine dates back to when the British Empire still had some relevancy in 1959. However, unsatisfied with that fossil, some engineer gave it a single, truck sized turbo.

And with that, VW stepped away, and this abomination now now produces over 800 ft-lb of torque and around 400 horses. And it makes little faint waste gate noises (ah Bentley’s fun side). This monster of an engine revs to truly preposterous 5000 rpm.

All this in a 5700 (British) pound car. It doesn’t accelerate, it just proceeds on. Uncaringly surging forwards as boost comes on, and you will notice when it does. Because for everything Bentley managed to engineer out of the car (road noise, bumps, the poor), their clientele are still human: I pay big money, I get big power, I wanna feel big power. So while it’s not aggressive, you still can’t hide from the laws of physics.

I really cannot emphasize enough how quiet it is. This is the only car wherein the quiet voices in the back of my head sound as if they’re sitting right behind me. This thing has the same resonant frequency as a padded cell for “undesirables”. Because of this, the speed is accentuated to levels of a Japanese bullet train. Smash the gas, vehicle proceeds, you are now traveling at 130 MPH without even blinking.

In the chauffeur’s seat, the steering still requires effort. It’s as if the posh engineers at Bentley knew exactly where to allow interference from the rest of the human world, with the hydraulic rack providing a surprising amount of feedback given what this car is. Now, it doesn’t have any of that fancy magna-ride electro-boom supersonic dampers but it is just as pleasant comparatively.

It enacts an odd combination of driver and passenger pleasure. The red label pleasures anyone, no matter where they are in the car. There are abundant amenities for both, which is something it’s contemporaries and current day decedents their competitors like to pick a side on. A 500 SEC makes you feel like a million bucks behind the wheel, but you don’t get the same sense of occasion just being a passenger. Same with a modern day Porsche Panamera, it’s a phenomenal car, treats you to a great driving experience, yet it’s a Porsche for you to take YOUR passengers in. Meanwhile, something like a modern S class or 7 series puts most of its emphasis on the passengers. You see, an Arnage owner isn’t stingy with what they have to share. If their cousins come over to the mansion, everyone gets to eat a feast. If he gets to feel special in the back of an Arnage, the driver gets to feel special driving it.

Alright, enough on how it drives, back to how this boat feels.

Sitting inside the Arnage, you’re in a cocooned lump of metal and leather. Every single possible surface is covered, no, lathered in the smoothest leather fingers have ever touched. Dashboard? Yes. Seats? Of course! Steering column? Surprisingly, yes. Floor to ceiling B-pillars? Definitely. You see, the Arnarge is a different league, different universe from anything else on earth. Nothing you touch feels cheap, even the BMW switches (somehow). Everything feels like they belong in the captains quarters of an oceanliner. No matter how good it feels though, it doesn’t matter. If you need to ask the question “Is the Arnage for me”, then it isn’t for you.

Anyways, the Bentley Arnage Red label. Outside of the Turbo R, these things fly fairly under the radar. However, after spending time with it, that is entirely by design. The Arnage is for a very specific person, and that person is not you.