Yes, it’s a sad time in the automotive space these days. Chrysler has confirmed the killing of the 300, leaving the overall Chrysler lineup to be only a single model. This one, glorious lone car is the Chrysler Pacifica. Yes, the legacy of Chrysler is left up to a minivan. With this news fresh on their minds, paired to the overbearing weight of their French overlords at Stellantis, Chrysler’s board of directors have been admitted to the Detroit Psychiatric Clinic for immediate treatment and an extended observation period.

This all started as the group contemplated their own relevancy during a product planning meeting with Jeep and Dodge personnel. From there, the board members collectively began to spiral into a deeper and deeper depression. Who can blame them? The pillars of their corporate automotive identity reduced to mere memory by their passionless overlords, even the mighty HEMI sentenced without parole at their hands. And the humble minivan remains, a sole item of recognition, much as it began in 1984. Ironic.

At least the Pacifica Hybrid batteries are useful for EV swaps.

“All it took was one Fiat executive to mention the updated Alfa Giulia and most of the Chrysler board began to break down in tears”, said one anonymous employee.

After a failed attempt at their collective lives by driving several TCs by Maserati into each other derby style, all 11 members were admitted into a clinic once they’ve recovered from their injuries. Progress has been slow, and with the apparent nothingness resulting from the Halcyon concept car, we hear that their design team may be joining the board during group therapy sessions.

We at MSIMA wish all those at Chrysler a speedy recovery, and can’t wait to see what the future holds!