Our elite group of MSIMA ex-KGB investigative journalists have recently uncovered riveting news about the next generation Chevrolet Silverado full sized pickup.

After having bugged the office and infiltrated the product planning staff, they’ve learned what isn’t surprising to most of us by now. The new truck will grow in both size and weight, by around 20%. We have reached out to our media contact at GM, who put us in touch with the spokes person for the truck development division:

“You want to know why we made it bigger? BECAUSE WE CAN. Does it bother you? Do you feel angry? We at GM trucks want you to look at the tip of a pin needle under a microscope. Even that is too large for how much we care about your concern. In fact, the Silverado just grew by another 2% by the time we have concluded this call!”

After the rather informative call, we turned to our team once again, who managed to secure recording between two product planners for the new Silverado:

“WE’RE MAKING IT BIGGER!”

“YOU FOOL! BLINDED BY YOUR HUBRIS!”

“IT WILL WEIGH AS MUCH AS A COMMERCIAL VENCILE, HAVE THE AERO OF A BRICK, AND WE WILL MAKE IT BIGGER DAMN YOU!”

“BUT WHY!? WHY MUST WE PLAY GOD?”

“PLAYING GOD? GOD IS DEAD, AND THE NEW SILVERADO HAS KILLED HIM! WE CARE LITTLE FOR YOUR SEMANTICS. BIGGER IT MUST BE.”

“What do you gain from this? Power? Glory? The envy of those around you?”

“NOTHING! We desire it to be bigger, and BIGGER IT SHALL BE. That will satiate our hunger.”

“But the PEOPLE! THINK OF THE PEDESTRIANS! This will be a nightmare to homologate.”

“PEDESTRIANS? THE SHOULDN’T BE ON THE ROAD IN THE FIRST PLACE! BIGGER!”

(The truck has now grown to 25%)

“But why!? My team simply cannot FATHOM WHY!? Is it for dominance? Dare I say, compensation? There is no REASON TO MAKE IT BIGGER!”

“We care little about the concerns of your team, and are infact content with our generic disposition! BIGGER IT IS FOR WE WILL IT SO!”

(It has now grown to 28%)

At this point, the shouting continues for another 20 minutes, before they both went to the restroom to “make amends” the General Motors way.

I don’t know about you, but we at MSIMA are excited to know more about the 30% larger 2024 Chevy Silverado!