WE ARE ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD OF THE CURVE. WE HAVE NEVER MISS. WE HAVE NEVER FAULTED. And like the Puerosandwich or however you spell it, we WILL DELIVER YOU EVERYTHING WE KNOW SO FAR!

So, before Ferrari supposedly unveils an electric SUV no one asked for so that someone(?) will buy, we’re here to fill you in on all the details. The hype train for Maranello’s finest needs to start from somewhere, and that place is MSIMA!

10. THE FERRARI EV WILL NOT BE CALLED THE FERRARI EV

That’s right you worthless consumers! While most people in the automotive media have been referring to this car as the “Ferrari EV SUV”, we have been told by an inside source that the car will in fact feature a unique name. Wether or not said name includes numbers as well as letters we cannot confirm.

9. THE FERRARI EV WILL COME WITH 4 WHEELS WRAPPED IN 4 TYRES!

As with any hotly anticipated super car, details are scarce and leaks are few and far between. However, according to our secret sources within FerrariChat, this vehicle will have AT LEAST 4 tires! They are expected to also be connected to wheels, however this is not confirmed as of yet. The total number of tires is unknown, but at the very least that number will be 4. As more information comes out, we will report ASAP to get the news to our dedicated viewers!

8. THE FERRARI EV WILL NOT SHARE A PLATFORM WITH THE LOTUS ELETRE!

Man, what a stupid name! And I bet that’s exactly what those clever engineers at Ferrari said when they decided NOT to base the upcoming and as of yet UNNAMED Ferrari EV SUV on the Lotus-BYO electric SUV platform! After stalking people on LinkedIN from both companies long enough, we were able to CONFIRM that Ferrari will NOT be copying Lotus’s Chinese backed homework, with one Lotus chassis engineer telling us “WILL YOU STOP MESSAGING ME! NO, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WE ARE NOT PARTNERING WITH FERRARI. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE”.

7. IT uh…will probably come in red?

Sure! I can write a post about the Ferrari EV SUV being sold with red paint!

…

“The Ferrari EV SUV will come with red paint! The Ferrari EV SUV will follow the trend set by other similar Ferrari cars, such as the Ferrari Purosangue, Ferrari 296GTB, and Ferrari 12Cillindri by offering the car with red paint as a call back to Ferrari’s racing past. Like the current cars being sold today, one would assume that Ferrari will their new EV SUV in red”

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[GPT3.0]

6. THE FERRARI EV will probably not look like the test mule but you’ve made up for mind anyways.

Why do I try? I know that you know it won’t look like the deeply camo’d test mule. And yet, like every other fucking car that comes out, EVERYONE IS SURPRISED WHEN THE FINISHED PRODUCT LOOKS BEYTER THAN THE TEST MULE. You know, the car that’s probably made up from a hodgepodge of thrown together parts then completely obscured by layers of plastic, fabric, and tape. Fuck you.

5. I can’t take this anymore.

I can’t write this drivel anymore. A Ferrari EV SUV? I know you don’t care, much less me. Like, I get that Enzo probably wouldn’t actually hate this car. The man hated the people he sold cars to and saw them as a milkable cash cow to fund his body’s adrenaline addiction loosely disguised as a racing fixation. But for fucks sakes Ferr–

1. THE FERRARI EV SUV WILL FEATURE ELECTRIC MOTORS!

THE FERRARI EV SUB IS CONFIRMED TO COME WITH ELECTRIC MOTORS! We at MSIMA do not know how many motors the car will come with, nor which wheels will be powered by said motors (the office betting pool seems to favor the front left and rear right). But, we can say with 100% accuracy, that this car will come with at least 1 electric motor to provide propulsion to Maranello’s latest and electrifying wild stallion!

And don’t forget to tune into MSIMA after October 9, when Car & Driver have apparently stated that this electric abomination will be revealed to us all. I know you, like us, are desperately waiting!