What defines the modern car experience? Why of course! Useless added bullshit! It’s been the standard of automotive modernity since the invention of the car, and it is our job as slowly aging enthusiasts to believe as much. And just what do we have here? Why it’s a brand new Deepal S05 courtesy of Hertz Rental Cars in Norway! Now the saga and intricacies of the abomination that is the S05 will be covered later in a new Polestar 2 review. And if that’s any indication of how this thing went down, well… you’ll see.

Like most modern cars, the S05 comes with games! Oh yes, a whole 6 of them. And we as a website would’ve failed you, dear consumer, if you didn’t know in which order they ranked!

6 – Space Cruiser

This stupid game is straight up false advertising. Not once are you exploring the boundaries of the universe amongst a vast sea of stars. Instead, you fly your ship through the ruins of Detroit in 3026, chard and scared after the nuclear fallout:

You fly between buildings and through rings for eternity until your hand gives out. For all this, it is ranked lasts.

5 – Piano

I can’t play the piano. But I can make noises on one and pretend to be a true renaissance man from behind the screen of my Deepal S05. However, when I leave the sanctity of my Deepal Domicile and try to show the public my newfound artistic genius, hotel security tends to escort me off property. Number 5 it is.

4 – Pop Bubbles

T H I S is essentially just one of those mobile games where you pop similarly colored bubbles. So like Candy Crush or Panda Pop or whatever the somehow overlapping demographics of 5 and 50 year olds are currently addicted to. The game is a bit clunky and is yet another case of false advertising in my opinion. While it is true that you can in fact pop these bubbles easily, I would hesitate to call any of these sea creatures forcibly imprisoned within them ‘cute’. I would prefer ‘tormented’ and ‘nauseating to behold’ as I “eliminate them”. I hope they are freed from their confines but I fear I have just put them out of their misery. It is for the best I hope.

3 – Tetris

I mean. It’s Tetris. The most sold video game on the planet, and it’s COMMUNIST. This game also has a two player mode where you compete against whatever schmuck is stuck in the S05 with you. Each time one player eliminates a row, the other player gets one added to the bottom with a random noise filter applied. All in, it’s just Tetris but it runs a bit clunky. It probably would’ve been rated better but sadly my life is still filled with worry.

2 – Minesweeper

It’s literally just mine sweeper. Same look from Windows 95 too. In fact, it probably is the same game ported over. And in its static simplicity comes a major improvement in performance on the Deepal S05’s hardware. Plus who doesn’t like mine sweeper? Don’t answer that, you can’t change the past. Just know that I’m now finally worry free.

1 – Gobang

So I don’t actually know what this is. And I didn’t have the time to play a round of it on the actual car in our 30 minutes of rental ownership. So I downloaded a mobile version instead figuring that I could probably get 5 in a row so that good things happen.

Ok so whatever this is actually kinda goes hard. The board looks like this:

You need to get your color circles in a row of 5 while blocking the other person from doing the same. Like a higher stakes version of Connect 4 with near infinite possibilities. Now I don’t yet know if good things will come to me, but I did actually have fun playing this. Now was that enjoyment due to not having to play it on a Deepal S05? Maybe. Still number 1 best game 10/10 experience and maybe MSIMA’s Game of the Year. If Top Gear does it so can we damn it.