Another year, another Polestar 2 in Norway. But it wasn’t supposed to be this way…

Dear consumer, allow me to introduce you to the Deepal S05:

Oh boy, what a machine! This rented Chinese electric SUV was supposed to be MSIMA’s first official foray into a 100% Chinese made car. No Swedish or Vietnamese engineering in here!

But alas, it was not meant to be, because after 15 minutes and three different people’s attempts, the car refused to connect to a single phone through either Bluetooth or CarPlay. Our record was getting CarPlay to work for a max of 5 seconds before error messages began popping up. Meanwhile, most reviews mention that the built in gps is essentially useless. The creature was swapped out for a Polestar 2, and family vacation continued onward.

However, we at MSIMA know what you sick fucks crave…

What I Learner After Sitting in a Deepal S05 for 30 Minutes

Let us start with the list of mystery and dysentery:

• The key is a palm sized octagonal abomination.
• The rear badge is also a light
• It has flush door handles that open like an Aston Martin
• The interior door handles open upwards and are mounted on the top of the armrest
• The window switches are these large metal tabs that slide back and forth
• There is no gauge cluster, but there is a HUD
• The dashboard is made of around 10 different materials and textures
• That LED strip wraps around the entire car
• We got da diamond pattern on da faux leather
• It got that contrast color stitching too
• While there is a front charging pad, we did not find any USB/USB-C outlets up front. Those were reserved for the rather roomy rear seats.
• The center console bin is deep as hell and almost reaches the floor
• The cubby underneath the center console has enough room to hold two infants stacked on top of eachother
• It’s got a column shifter and these steering wheel buttons that do many things
• The car is always watching, listening, and recording your data
• The bullshit screen will rotate towards the driver or passenger depending on where it detects weight
• The bullshit itself (see below)

Is it time for the bullshit screen!

There is a lot to unpack here so let’s start with the “apps”. Now why is there something called “File Management” on my car? Also I couldn’t tell you what “Tencent Way” way is, other than it required me to enable data and location sharing with Deepal. The “Scene” app preps the car for different things, such as leaving your dog inside while you shop or sleeping in the car.

“Surprise Crate” was indeed a surprise:

Here, you’re spoiled for choice with TWO whole options of surprise! And to my surprise and horror, pressing these buttons activate one of the car’s two dance routines. The S05 will blast music, open and close all the windows (and maybe the doors, it got cut short), and do a little light show as well. The music can be set to play from the interior and/or the exterior speakers. It doesn’t matter what you choose as both are loud and a bit obnoxious.

The external speakers can also be used to yell at the outside world, but pushing that button too many times will cause the car to scold you for being a public nuisance.

Going back to the “Home Screen”, a customizable and interact-able 3D model of the car sits at attention. Almost any color can be chosen for the car and a license plate can be added. Be warned though, there seemed to be a filter on it. So while DeepBall didn’t work, dicnball certainly did.

You can spin the 3D model around revealing these little “function bubbles” that let you do things like operate the windows, trunk, mirrors, and sunroof. Is this easier to use than a gaggle of buttons? No and I’d hate to have had to use this crap while driving.

Finally, as if you needed to ask, the Deepal S05 does in fact have games. Here is one now:

Lovely. I too wish to eliminate life’s worries, however we mustn’t dive into these any further. If you’re interested in a review of the top 6 (and only 6) games on the Deepal S05, click this link and get yourself educated!

Mercifully, Let’s Get Back to the Swedish Car…

The last time we drove a Polestar 2, we waxed a little lyrical. AND WHO SAYS WE WON’T DO IT AGAIN ASSHOLES!!?!?

Me. Let’s keep this length reasonable for once.

Like we said last time, the Polestar 2 is the inoffensive and apolitical cousin to the Tesla Model 3. It’s not as fast, nor does it have as much range, and it won’t try to sell you on the idea of a self driving future. But the car does make up for it by being easier and more intuitive to use and it drives like someone actually gave a damn about handling and responsiveness.

The exterior still looks like a Volvo, while the interior was designed by Volvo’s hippie cousin who did a semester abroad at a Chinese design academy.

Canvas, fabric, faux leather, and plastic adorn the inside of this thing. The aforementioned selection makes pleasing enough texture and material deviations to keep it feeling nice and somewhat interesting in here. Though everything in this car is greyscale. A little bit of color would probably go a long way during a Scandinavian winter, but at alas… the grey. Like all modern cars, there is a center screen that dominates everything.

You can control AC, radio, maps, driver aids… all the usual things from here. And not much else. Technically it has a trip diary function for what every reason and YouTube for when you’ve stopped to charge. You can probably install more apps via the Google Play store. But as is, there are no games, you can’t use the horn speakers to bother people, and you can’t make the car dance for you. You have the option, should you wish, to add some of that “magic” back in. Don’t bother, you sheep.

Unlike a lot of modern cars, there are physical radio controls. And like most modern EVs AC controls are at the bottom of the screen. Which is annoying but at least they’re always present and the screen isn’t usually laggy. It’s one of the lesser annoying systems of this type I’ve come across.

It still uses “apps”, which is dumb, but everything on screen is large with bold, clear, and short text. This makes reading and navigating easier and less distracting that it otherwise could be (looking at you BMW, Honda, Vinfast, et al). Now, I’d rather not have to deal with it at all, but within a week you do adjust to it very fast.

Right so it’s just a Volvo with an ipad inside. Got that covered. What about driving?

Operating the car is straight forward. You have buttons for cruise control, your usual light and wiper stalks, and a gear selector stalk that still looks like a futuristic cock ring for the upper-middle class. It’s all just… car in here. Familiar and straight forward. The driving experience is where that familiarity fades away a bit.

The 2, like almost every EV, goes about things with a frightening amount of smoothness. No jolts (unless you mash the throttle), no harshness, no pauses in acceleration. Nothing interrupts the car. It’ll just happily get to speed, unbothered by the rest of the world… or its mass.

The 2 is a heavy little pig, somewhere north of 4800 lb (or 2100 kg). And you do feel that mass as you drive. You feel it under acceleration, like a semi truck is forced to hit a 4 second 0-60. You feel it over bumps and potholes, hoping the wheels are strong enough to withstand such abuse. And the chub is very noticeable when corning more aggressively. The car rolls, especially on a tighter backroad, and you notice a fair bit of weight transfer to the outside tires before encountering quite a bit of understeer.

No matter how composed Polestar tried to make this car, you can and will find the limits of the front end. They can’t hide that mass forever. But unlike, say a Model 3, you don’t have this feeling like the car is cornering form beneath you. You aren’t riding atop the CG. It’s more like you’ve found yourself somewhere within a block of car shaped material close to the CG but never at it. It feels more natural that way.

Furthermore, unlike its American competition, the car’s chassis still communicates to you! Imagine that! It’s less of a numb, wallowing transportation pod and more like those Volvo S60s we’ve tested a few times before, but heavier and a bit softer. You feel the car move around through turns, there is an idea of what the front wheels are up to (although it is full of modern steering numbness and lacks road feel), and the car responds quickly to your inputs. And all its modern steering numbness, the Polestar 2 does not feel like a sim rig or “an imitation of handling” in the same way that the old Model 3 did.

It’s no BMW m340i, but it’s also not a soggy waffle of a car. Someone gave a shit about making that fat box handle and respond well (enough). This isn’t a sports sedan. There’s a 475 HP version of this car with manually adjustable Öhlins coilovers that’ll attempt to entertain that idea. It’s somewhere between a lower end luxury sedan and a high end “economy” car. Economy here meaning fuel economy and efficiency not just cheapness. So… a Volvo S60? But electric and heavier? I guess so…

The “not an afterthought” handling does make for a fairly fun thing to drive on backroads. 421 hp split between the front and rear wheels does a decent job and pulling ol’ lard ass out of turns nicely and without fuss or drama. Corner entry is a bit less straight forward, especially when relying heavily on regen for braking. No downshifts or gears or RPM mean you just have to try and feel what the car wants for deceleration and entry speed. You need to readjust your approaches, but with practice it’s pretty doable. I just wish it was 1000 lb lighter, more focused, and less understeer-y…

When not driving it like an ape terrorizing Norwegian mountain roads, the car’s far calmer side comes out. Already mentioned was the smooth effortlessness the 2 goes about most things with. It’s an easy car to drive that just calms you dow—DO NOT FUCK WITH THE ACCELERATOR PEDAL—and just makes you feel relaxed. It’s quiet, my ass is being heated, and the scenery is lovely. I could drive this work why not?

But can it drive you to work?

No. The most it can do is combine radar guided cruise control with the programming for collision avoidance and lane keeping to provide you with a “driver assist”. It won’t get you from A to B, it won’t overtake, it won’t make turns at intersections or park itself. What it will do is keep itself driving in a lane as long as it is visible. The car will yell at you after around 30 seconds to put your damn hands back on the wheel, so you can’t set it and forget it either. Is it useful? Eh, it’s not a terrible fatigue reduction tool. Although it likes to be close to the middle of the road. In a country as full of eager caravaners and narrow roads as Norway, its desire to be close to the center line is a little bit unnerving. But it works well for what it is.

There isn’t much more to it. I guess all that’s left is the ‘EV-ness’ of it all. We never saw anywhere near 500 km of range but the car was always driven “spiritedly”. We did get close to it, and in freedom units, the car managed a bit over 300 miles, not too dissimilar to a Subaru WRX STI on a highway.

Charging times seemed reasonable, with up to 80-90% charge happening within say… 30-45 minutes. Yes you need to plan your stops a bit, but there are so many EV planning apps (and range tracking and charger finding built into Google maps which also happens to be installed as the base nav on the Polestar 2) that finding one isn’t an issue… in Norway… where every town has several 300kw/hr fast chargers.

The benefit or drawback of all this means that after a few hours of driving, your are essentially forced to take a 20-60 minute break. And if you don’t plan ahead a little bit (or can’t find a close enough charger), you might find yourself chilling in the parking lot of a 23hr grocery store instead of leaving the car to charge over lunch or dinner in a more interesting place you’ll actually want to spend time exploring. That happened to us twice, though it wasn’t the end of the world.

One pedal driving can take a while to get used to if you don’t make the effort to learn it. For me it came fairly quickly. However your right leg will get tired of never fully moving off the accelerator pedal after several hours. You will notice an improvement to your overall efficiency, especially on downhill runs where you can gain back a few percents and tens of kilometers. If hypermiling is your thing, then one pedal driving is going to turn become another game to play. Your passengers on the other hand, might not appreciate having the car aggressively brake when you accidentally take your foot fully off the throttle. Whoopsies.

And that’s the Polestar 2. It’s not the best car or EV out there. But I still liked it. It’s not perfect, nor does it really impress with its tech or outright performance. But it’s a solid car that lacks gimmicks and handles well for its chub. It doesn’t treat you like a dumb consumer flashing lights and sounds to get your attention. It also doesn’t treat you like a moron. It’s just a decent little car. I’d take the faster and more composed performance pack if I were buying one… though what I’d much rather have still is a Lotus Elise for the mountains, that new electric Twingo for bulk shopping, and a transit pass to get to work.