Tag: news
-
Mercedes to Introduce “Prostate Massager” Option for 2025 S Class
After months of persistent emails and phone calls that have gotten us yet another restraining order on a South Florida car dealer, we’ve finally managed to get our “operatives” (some dude on discord) to “infiltrate Mercedes Benz USA” (dig through their trash) and “inform us on upcoming products” (send us low quality photos). And boy,…
-
Rivian to Work on EV Tank
Following the sudden injection of money to Rivian from the Volkswagen Automotive Group, Rivian has decided to branch off to the sector they probably should’ve started with: defense contracting. Partnering with General Dynamics, the current suppliers of the M1 Abrams tank, Rivian has announced their move into the defense industry. Using the same motor setup…
-
Aston Martin Threatens to Wipe Out Humanity (in about two weeks)
THE END IS NIGH, CONSUMERS!!!! ASTON MARTIN HAS FINALLY HAD IT. SUBMIT YOUR PITIFUL EXISTENCE BEFORE YOUR FALSE GODS, ASTON MARTIN WILL TAKE NO PITTY. THEY ARE HERE TO BRING FORTH OUR SALVATION. OH GREAT ONE, LEAD ME TOWARD VALHALLA. ALL WILL BE VANQUISHED! Or at least that’s what Aston Martin’s PR team told us.…
-
Chrysler on Suicide Watch
Yes, it’s a sad time in the automotive space these days. Chrysler has confirmed the killing of the 300, leaving the overall Chrysler lineup to be only a single model. This one, glorious lone car is the Chrysler Pacifica. Yes, the legacy of Chrysler is left up to a minivan. With this news fresh on…
-
Top 10 Gas Cans
This special editorial brought to you by SwedishDiesel Premium fuel Products™ Being the completely sane and rational being that I am, I have taken to collecting old gas cans. And no, that’s not to say I’m an arsonist. At these fuel prices? Hah, no way man. Modern gas cans suck. In an effort to reduce…
-
Top Ten “Vehicle Weeks” at Daytona
Ah, Daytona Beach. Land of the sun, fun and an overwhelming amount of incredible car events to keep you and your silly little brain working. If you’re a broke college dropout with a beat up hawkeye or a gym bro with a truck that should be rated for Monster Jam, Daytona Beach has something for…
-
Bulk Disposal Accidentally Takes Project MGB
Dave Verolla, 23, was shocked today to see that MGB he was restoring had suddenly disappeared from his lawn. Confused, because not only did the car not run for more than 30 seconds, but also it looks like such a nut job, he’d wonder why anyone would bother stealing it in the first place. “I…
-
McLaren to Begin Recycling 12c and 650s
With a back long of unwanted early McLarens (mainly the 12c and 650s) that just can be sold, dealers have been asking McLaren for a solution. Many of these cars were either traded in for newer models, or lemon lawed due to fires or other mechanical “oopsies” (the proper McLaren terminology). Their solution: Ship all…
-
Scientist Discovers Hidden Link Between Cybertruck and Porsche GT3
Hello, dear comsumers and assholes worldwide. This is a special report based on new information (mystery images) kept under high security (on a USB drive) brought to us by covert sources (the office mailbox). Included was the media you see below, and a bourbon-scented wrinkled index card which read the following: “Dear sirs. I write…
-
2018 BMW M2 – WE IN DA M CAR NOW!
Remember Mini Cooper S kid? Who before that was Hyundai Genesis Coupe kid? Well, look who finally got their automotive shit together. Behold, ladies and gents, consumers of content, and loyal MSIMA reader: what Lockheed Martin does to a motherfucker! I’ve driven a non-competition M2 before. It was similar to this one, except it had…