Tag: news
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Chip Ganassi Drives a Semi Though the Humane Society
From your local discontunued mineshaft, The Skinwalker presents: Against the recommendations of his lawyers, Chip Ganassi actually doubled down on his recent action at the Rolex 24, reversing onto and killing a driver’s dog. In order to drive his point home, Mr. Ganassi has decided to take a team semi truck and drive full speed into…
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MSIMA “The Cars” of 2023 Awards
Over the past year, us assholes managed to get our grubby little 20-something year old hands on a fair amount of metal and carbon. And for some reason, you guys keep eating it up. So like a fly to shit, let’s go back and recognize the travesty (and occasional triumphs) from the automotive landscape that…
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Police Departments ask Tesla to Install Radar Retroreflectors on the Cybertruck to Combat its Stealthy Shape
From the homeless tent of your local NonCredible™ Mechanophile Multiple police departments have filed complaints against Tesla stating that their radar guns cannot effectively determine the speed of the vehicle, sources say. When Tesla unveiled their Cybertruck, many people were confused at its unconventional shape. While officially its planar design is due to the choice…
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IMSA asks manufactures to please change the shirts they give to people each year
In a move to attract more fans to track side displays, IMSA asks manufacturers to change the shirts they give out during races. “The manufacturers who set up displays at our races, namely Ford, Chevy, Cadillac, BMW, Honda/Acura, Lexus, Lamborghini, Toyota, and Hyundai, have all been reporting a decrease in viewership numbers”, says IMSA head…
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US Power Grid to Adopt Tesla NACS Port
The newest adopter for the Tesla designed NACS charging port was announced this week, as the US Government plans to switch from the Type-B Electrical Socket. The department of energy (DOE) had its engineers look into the possibility of using the NACS standard designed by Tesla to charge their EV’s for the past decade, as…
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New Company Aims to Freeze Car Collectors with Collection
Astrobionicle, a new Aerospace company spun off from Duke University has recently announced plans to dominate the in space Human health market. Amongst the technology they’re researching, their team of PHD students and ex-SpaceX engineers have been developing the technology for putting humans under some sort of hibernation for long duration space missions. However, during…
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Porsche Recalls 489 Carrera GT’s to Remind Owners Who’s Really In-Charge
Porsche has recently recalled 1/3 of all Carrera GT‘s produced. We at MSIMA reached out to Porsche in order out find out more. “After the whole fiasco of people hoarding the 911 R, we decided that periodically, we must remind our consumers loyal Porsche customers, who is in charge”, a Porsche rep told us, “There…
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New Chevrolet Silverado Rumored to be 20% Larger “Because We Can”
Our elite group of MSIMA ex-KGB investigative journalists have recently uncovered riveting news about the next generation Chevrolet Silverado full sized pickup. After having bugged the office and infiltrated the product planning staff, they’ve learned what isn’t surprising to most of us by now. The new truck will grow in both size and weight, by…
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Porsche Running Out of Numbers For New 911 Generation
From the desk of Daniel “Pinecone” Verona The crisis becomes clearer as engineers search for a way to count below 1 Recently MSIMA informants have relayed concerning news from the Porsche headquarters in Stuttgart. As the company makes early preparations for the next generation of 911 sports cars, engineers have reportedly discovered that the company…
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Mercedes F1 Shaving Drivers Before Race To Save Weight
Soon after revealing their livery, Mercedes has decided that the weight savings has not gone far enough. “We’ve run countless simulations around our virtual test track, and found that we have yet to notice a significant enough lap time delta after shedding 5 grams off from not having a full livery.”, one engineer stated. The…